Another Father’s Day has passed, filled with the stereotypes of gifts of socks and homemade “We love you Daddy” cards. These annual events can be bittersweet though. There needs to be a recognition that the norm in most South African families is the lack of direct father involvement in the daily life’s of their children. The importance and impact of father involvement cannot be understated, and we can certainly wish for this fathers days and those in the future that more fathers become involved. But for families now, especially single Mothers, are there other options? Let’s talk about Social Fathers.
What Is a Social Father?
A social father is a person who takes on the responsibility and role of being a father to a child, but who is not the biological male parent of the child. The status of fatherhood is therefore a social status rather than a biological one and may be actively sought by and/or ascribed to the person by their family, community, or the state. One person could be a biological father to one child and a social father to another.
Social fathers include uncles, grandfathers, older brothers, stepfathers, and adoptive fathers. They can also teachers, priests, coaches, imams, rabbi, hobby facilitators, or mentors who can provide the needed ear, presence, food, school fees, and other kinds of economic and psychosocial care. The care that social fathers give can take many forms, though this care and their presence in children’s lives is not often recognised. Ultimately, it simply means being there in a young person’s life when the young person needs a caring adult.
The South African Context
The State of South African Fathers (SOSAF) 2024 is the most important recent South African dataset on this topic. According to the findings, 76% of children live with an adult male, but only 35% live with their biological father, a decline from 45.3% in 1996.
A key finding is that fewer children live with their biological fathers than with other men, and that these numbers are the lowest and highest ever recorded. Never have so few children lived with their biological dads, nor have so many lived with other men like uncles, grandfathers, older brothers or mothers’ new partners. But this does not mean that these other men are stepping up as social fathers contributing to day-to-day childcare.
Dr Tawanda Makusha, co-editor and Senior Research Associate at AHRI, suggests a shift in focus from whether a child lives with their biological father to ascertaining who is actively involved in a child’s life. He says: “Recognising and supporting social fathers, who other than family members may even be teachers or community mentors, can help ensure children have stable, positive male role models, even in the absence of biological fathers.”
Professor Kopano Ratele from Stellenbosch University notes that social fathers engage in childcare, household chores, and even education-related expenses, and urges policy reforms similar to those that recognised grandmothers as primary caregivers eligible for child support grants.
Why Do Social Fathers Help? What Does Research Show?
Social-emotional development
There is growing evidence that father involvement is closely and positively linked to children’s social-emotional development, playing a crucial role in fostering emotional well-being, social competence, and emotion regulation in early childhood. Positive father engagement is associated with improved social competence and stronger peer relationships, while also reducing behavioural and emotional problems.
Even non-biological male figures make a meaningful difference: research indicates that children who have a non-paternal man in their life, a man who plays a significant role in their behaviour management and discipline, have better conduct and peer relationships.
Language and cognitive development
Father-child communication at age two was a stronger predictor of children’s later language skills than mother-child communication. This is a striking finding that holds implications for social fathers too the quality of male engagement matters even if the man is not a biological parent.
Risk-taking and resilience
Fathers often encourage their children to take risks and be independent, whereas mothers typically emphasise avoiding risk and injury. Researchers are examining how fathers tend to encourage children to explore, take chances, overcome obstacles, be braver in the presence of strangers, and stand up for themselves. This kind of challenge-based engagement appears to be a distinct contribution that male caregivers offer.
Boys in particular
There is some evidence that these positive outcomes are more pronounced for sons than for daughters, underscoring the importance of a father figure for the development of boys and young men. In the absence of a father, a male mentor (whether a family member or someone else) can still help make a difference, with engaged mentors improving educational and behavioural outcomes for their mentees.
Active relationships with adult male relatives, such as an uncle or grandfather, can be especially important for the academic success of boys in single-parent households. A role model who is kin, is more likely to understand and appreciate the child’s culture and family history and, because they are generally less emotionally involved than a parent, can offer direction for specific skills or potential careers.
Benefits to mothers too
Parents also show greater well-being when fathers are actively involved with their children: both parents are less depressed, physically healthier, more satisfied with their relationship, more cooperative, and less likely to undermine each other’s parenting decisions. This is important for single mothers having a trusted social father in the picture isn’t just good for the child; it reduces the mother’s own burden and stress.
How Can Single Mothers Seek Out and Encourage Social Fathers?
This is the most practically important question, and the research offers real guidance.
- Start within the family
The family network is the most natural and culturally resonant source of social fathers. Stepfathers and partners, or in extended family households, relatives such as older brothers, grandfathers and uncles are the most common social fathers. Men outside the family, teachers, pastors, coaches, or mentors involved in community programmes, can also serve in this role. Single mothers can intentionally activate these existing relationships: inviting an uncle to attend a school event, asking a grandfather to be involved in a regular activity, or naming a brother as a “go-to” person for the child. In the case of stepfathers it is best to have jointly understood expectations, especially around discipline. Blended families need both parents involved but there are complex dynamics between the relationship of the biological parent and their children versus the step parent and the children (We will write a future blog on Blended Family dynamics).
- Look to community institutions
Different men may assume the role of social father in different contexts of a child’s life. For example, an uncle may be one source of emotional support to a child while a coach provides additional mentorship. It is possible that the child assigns a fathering role to both of these men, regards them as father figures. Mothers can consciously build a support system of male figures across school, sport, faith communities, and neighbourhood life rather than relying on one replacement father figure.
- Use formal mentoring programmes
One in three boys and young men does not have an adult male he can turn to for help with schoolwork and relationships. Engaged mentors improve educational and behavioural outcomes for their mentees. Organisations like The Character Company, Big Brothers Big Sisters, school-based mentoring programmes, and faith-based youth organisations actively recruit positive male mentors and can provide structured, supervised relationships.
- Create conditions for men to show up
The effort to help men transition into more engaged father figures, biological or social, requires interventions such as education programmes that teach boys and young men about caregiving, child development, and emotional responsibility. Supportive, consistent, and accountable social fathers present a model of masculinity that values emotional intelligence, caregiving, and responsible mentorship. Single mothers can help by explicitly naming what they need from a man in their child’s life (presence, not provision), lowering the barrier to participation, and thanking men who show up consistently.
Look out for potential men, they could be the fathers of your children’s friends, an old piano teacher, the guy at the hobby shop, that your children gravitate to and where possible enable and grow these connections. Taking part in communal activities such as hiking, or team sports can also be useful.
- Advocate for policy recognition
This finding challenges the traditional notion of fatherhood being solely tied to biological connections and emphasises the importance of recognising and supporting the diverse forms of fatherhood that exist in South Africa. At a community level, parents and practitioners can push for schools, health services, and social development programmes to explicitly recognise and engage social fathers, not just biological parents.
We can all play a role in asking, encouraging, and recognising men to step up and assume fatherhood roles. For Single Mothers this is not an easy thing to do, given the GBV wounds many women have, the complications of mixed signals that an interest in a man may be seen as romantic and not about mentorship to your children, and our natural concern about men as potential predators.
There are many reasons to be wary of men, many of us also carry “the father wound”, the painful gap between our lived father experiences versus our expectations, hopes, and needs for a father. What we can all be certain of is the need for fathers. This is the strong evidence base for TPC’s fatherhood work and for our parent education messaging. Right now, in terms of fathers we ask that we all make that circle bigger!
Key Sources
- Van den Berg, W., Ratele, K., Malinga, M. & Makusha, T., eds. (2024). State of South Africa’s Fathers 2024. Stellenbosch: Tataokhona. [Full report available at mencare.org]
- Evans, D.K. & Jakiela, P. (2024). “The Role of Fathers in Promoting Early Childhood Development in Low- and Middle-Income Countries.” World Bank Research Observer.
- ScienceDirect (2025). “Father’s involvement is critical in social-emotional development in early childhood: A meta-analysis.”
- RAND Corporation (2025). “The Limited Presence of Male Mentors in the Lives of Boys and Young Men.”
- University of Wisconsin Institute for Research on Poverty (2023). “Strategies for Engaging Fathers in Family Services.”
