Encouraging Girls to be Well-rounded

The 24^th of January was National Girl Child Day, and the 11^th of February was the International Day of Women and Girls in Science. As Parents, we want what is best for our children and it’s as easy as stepping into a large toyshop to see that from their early life boys and girls are often navigated into traditional roles. Boys play outside, boys play with toy guns and sports equipment, whilst girls play inside with dolls and games that groom them for a domestic life such as tea parties. Whilst parents have differing views about equality, sexism, and gender roles, I think we all want our children to be well-rounded and able to grow into whichever version of themselves they want to be. What can parents with girls do to encourage well-roundedness? Girls often start at full speed, confident and social, it is common for girls to reach developmental milestones faster than boys. They often adapt and cope better than boys. They often do better in school early on. But somewhere between preschool and middle school, a confusing blend of new social pressures, greater expectations in the classroom, and mixed signals from society (“Do your best – but don’t draw too much attention to yourself,” “You can be anything you want to be – but looking pretty is your top priority”) can cause girls to fall behind academically or lose their spark.

Here are some tips to build confidence, versatility, and resilience:

• Model well-roundedness yourself and consciously seek a balance from early on. Whilst it’s easy to fall into gender stereotypes and encourage and model non-gender conformist stereotypes; girls can get muddy, kick soccer balls around, go to the science centre, and learn about Dinosaurs and Pirates. Try looking for female role models like famous scientists, pirates etc. to show your daughter girls can become anything. A tip especially with science is to do rather than tell, doing science experiments (like growing seeds, or making slime) is more impactful than telling them they can be scientists. Like a lot of parenting, what you do is more important than what you tell or say.

• Encourage and praise with examples. When she does a great project on Dinosaurs don’t say general things like “how clever you are” rather be specific “See you can be a clever scientist like Mary Anning”. Encourage assertiveness.

• Encourage assertiveness. Whilst we want our children to be respectful and have good manners, it is important to teach your daughter to express her needs clearly and stand her ground. All children need to learn to identify and speak about feelings but girls can benefit from being encouraged to indicate what they like and don’t like clearly.

• Foster independence and resilience. Let your daughter fail, let her struggle, give her the opportunity to try any task she wants to even if she may not be strong enough, let her rather learn her limits and encourage her to be adventurous and not be frightened of trying new things. Yes, in this modern dangerous world we must teach all children street smarts, to be perceptive, and be wary but resist the tendency to protect girls more than boys.

• Be realistic and honest, don’t give false praise. Never lie to your child and give false praise, she may not be the prettiest girl, but she can shine in other ways, she may not be the best ballet dancer but with practice and work she can improve her skills. Model her to be realistic and able to learn and be motivated by failure.

• Talk about sexism and that other girls can be mean. The world is not fair, teachers sometimes have favourites, and boys sometimes get away with more things than girls, but at the same time, girls learn to “turn on the cuteness” to get out of trouble. Don’t encourage your daughter to be manipulative and “two-faced”, girls often use exclusion, shaming, and subtle social insults when they bully others. Encourage your daughter not to take every slight to heart, sometimes children are in a bad mood, and we all need to find those people who like us for who we are.

• Encourage a healthy body image. Whilst we ideally want to praise actions rather than appearance (rather than saying how pretty you look, rather say I love how you have arranged your hair, yellow really suits you), parents need to be mindful of how strong the external body image becomes for girls. Girls especially those approaching puberty are surrounded by unrealistic and stylized notions of what beauty is. Almost all digital images of girls and women are altered and changed to make the person thinner with smoother skin and larger eyes. Encourage your daughter to love herself for who she is, which is not easy. Be very wary of making comments that enforce negative body image like “you look beautiful in a dress and with make-up” or “Those jeans make you look fat”.

• Find and point out positive female role models. Take every opportunity to show your daughter that women can do anything. Try to find local female role models like the local female business owners, athletes, or celebrities. Find books, series, and films with strong female characters that your daughter can identify with. If you can’t think of enough books like that, ask a librarian – they often have lists of books to choose from and can make recommendations. Women are often involved in civic organisations and NGO’s, the NGO sector has a much higher number of female leaders for example. Encourage your daughter to volunteer at a homeless shelter, religious project, animal sanctuary etc as this not only give her a sense of a world beyond her personal issues and challenges but also often show strong women making a difference.

Let raise healthy well rounded girls and hopefully get more girls interested in STEM.